haru_illustrate's Xanga

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 06:55:29 GMT

Life is so boring now.
Having nothing to do,feeling hopless...
HOw've you guys been doing there?

Monday, June 18, 2007

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 11:21:32 GMT

I'm thinking about blogging at my myspace site..coz xangaland still doesnt work in china...so everyone who still reads my blogs or just comes across to my site please visite my myspace site...
www.myspace.com/haru_illustrate

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Tue, 29 May 2007 10:25:55 GMT

I dont want to be a good-hearted person,I hate to make other ppl happy when they're sad,I hate to listen to their sad stories.why nobody cares me when I'm upset? why nobody listens to my sad stories? why nobody can understand me?I'm such a lonely person without any friends to talk to.But Im always there when they need me.I Dont want to be this kind of person.
Did you ever hear that ppl who love drawing have a lonely heart,becoz they're lonely and have no friends to talk so that they talk to the paper and pensils.
It's a really bad year this year.
I now get stuck,feeling hopeless....but there's still a long way to go in my life?how and when I can be really happy to live my life?my life is like a piece of shit.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Thu, 24 May 2007 04:49:38 GMT

I'm so confused now..dont know what i'm going to do or I know what I should do but just not sure whether it's right to do.I spent four days in jinan,for the training of ET-ticket and for having some fun..I had some fun there,we went for fishing and climbing...yeah,so much fun there.It made me feel better,I was not that sad now.Then I've been working..staying at the airport all day long..long time work makes me sick of everything,the ppl and the job.Now I really dont know what i'm supposed to do...there' s long way to go in my life but I feel so so confused right now.Wish life is short.
I was tagged by Dvabt.To write down eight random facts about myself....mmmm,
1.I'm very short but I hate being short so I always wear high-heels
2.I cant drive nor ride a bicycle
3.I eat ice-cream all day
4.I have a bad temper,but I'm nice to everyone
5.sometimes I love being alone,listening to loud music,reading books or writing blogs.
6.I'm afraid of all kinds of animals and insects,but I have a dog called lele at my house.
7.I like guys in pink shirt.
8.I have a thing for white guys.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Sun, 13 May 2007 23:38:38 GMT

Glad that China unblocks xangaland..but still xanga can not work very well for some reason.China really sucks.It blocks myspace and makes a new site called myspace.cn...Why it bans foreign sites?it's so stupid and ridiculous to do this.Anyway hope xangaland works better later.
Mm,it happened too much recently...well,not that many things happened..but again make me so so down.I met a girl from shanghai during the interview in beijing,she's pretty and smart and makes me feel that Im still like a ugly duck.On that very early morning while I was working I suddently felt I might stay here like many other ppl do for the rest of my life,just like them....living life here for the whole life.I feel hopeless.I pretend to be happpy at work,try to smile to everyone I see at work.But inside,I'm so so depressed.
Life is so unpredictable.The more you treasure something,the easier it'll be lost.So maybe just need to take it easy?
I painted a lot days ago,didnt know why...just want my room full of my paintings.Then I stopped.
Hmm,remember the guy I deeply liked before? and I think I might still like him now.I happened to see his ex's paintings,(I really didnt know his ex drew too)and I feel that I'm so sucky at drawing,those paintings I drew are so so mediocre.and I dont think I can be as good as her.After I came back,I've been asking ppl how long a person will forget or get over another person whom she/he deeply likes.It does take time.
So I want to get out here,avoid meeting anyone I know...I hate this though,hate every time I have a problem and can not fix it I want to escape.And when I really got a chance to leave here,to go far,far away from here and I so so much treasured this chance...I just lost it.
Did you ever have this feeling?
Someone says God might be a girl,she likes to joke around and maybe also has temper....
Okay,now you know how I am doing recently.
I now can not go on my story...tears are out...
So ,mabye later...
Still I'm happy to back here again.Dont have to hide my feelings here and dont have to pretend nothing ever happened on me.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 11:06:40 GMT

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 05:17:16 GMT

I now feel stressed at work,I'm always feeling scared while I'm working...coz I'm afraid of making any mistakes....

mm,how to get along with others? how to tell if they're cheating you?I mean some are so nice to you in front of you but behind you they will say bad things about you to others..even to your parents...I've been having a bad relationship with my parents,and my father even called to my director to ask things about me..and guess what? she told him all bad things about me and then tells me she does this for my won good.Gosh,let her go to hell!! But anyway,I also have to act like I so much appreciate what she did for me and act like I so much like her.Anyway the most thing I wish to do now is to work for another airlines,then I can be far ,far away from them.

bu zhi dao,bu zhi dao,bu zhi dao..buzhidao,BUZHI DAO!!!!!!

My super fav chinese words are buzhidao

I am a nice person..but why everyone is so mean to me?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 05:50:24 GMT

So I had the bad tooth pulled out today..it's so so painful...

And the bad thing is that I can go to have the replacement for the missing tooth after TWO MONTHS...grrr...why it needs so long time? and you can still see the missing teeth if you stand at my left side while i'm laughing..

All my coworkers are laughing at me...zen me ban?

I dont wanna go outside...to meet ppl...ohhh,maybe I just dont smile...yeah,no smiles....

Ohh,and no sweets anymore they say....but I so love sweets lah...

and bruth teeth everyday.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 12:06:58 GMT

Tooooo bad,ÎÒµôÁËÒ»¿ÅÑÀ³Ý¡£My parents say that's becoz I ate too many candies...grr...anyway I so hate to see a doctor..

mmm,for those whom were born in the year of pig....do you guys have bad luck this year? well,I have so much bad luck this year.zen me ban?

Friday, March 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 08:20:13 GMT

Though long time working makes me tired and sleepy I still love to work,coz I like keeping myself busy...then I only have work and friends in my mind...no other stuff which makes me depressed...but I still make some mistakes at work , sometimes was blamed by my director and even shouted by those mad passengers...that's not a big deal anyway....LOL,right?

mm,I want to learn French and japanese.I want to do lots of things...but I'm too lazy...grrr

Im always thinking someday there'll be a wiser person telling me''Echo,this is your life..being ur parents' good daughter,being a good friend of ur friends,doing ur best at your current work,living your life here like most ppl...needless of thinking about your expectation or your dream coz you wont have this ability to achieve them no matter what you do.''Then I'll give him a big smile and live my life happily.mmm,does that make sense?

You know,I was trying to write emails to a friend...coz I want him to know more about me,know my feelings and I also hoped to know more about his feelings... he never replied anyway and even asked me why emailing to him(you message to me everyday why email?)Then I know how stupid I am.yeah,I'm super stupid,right?

Then I read this again which wrote in LOST IN TRANSLATION

''The more you know who you are and what you want,the less you let things upset you.''

''Yeah,I just dont know what I'm supposed to be.....you know,every girl goes through a photography phase.''

''You'll figure that out.I'm not worried about you.keep writing''

''But I'm so mean.''

''Mean's okay.''

mmm,Yeah...what the hell I want? actually I know what I want...and this is what upsets me now...but what I really want to know is that what I'm supposed to be?and when can I find that out?

bu zhi dao,bu zhi dao,bu zhi dao,bu zhi dao,buzhidao..........

blessings